sakuraisumbrella: (Default)
[personal profile] sakuraisumbrella
Pairing: Matsumiya
Rating: M
Genre: Crack/humor
Plot:Today Sakurai Sho was going to become a rich man.
He’d gone over his plan over a million times in his head, considering everything that could possibly go wrong and planning what to do in those situations.
However, one thing he didn’t account for was to be stuck in the couple’s “sex closet” as they went at it in the bedroom.
Disclaimer: if i owned them i wouldnt be writing fics rn

AN: I'm supposed to be studying but life is stressful and i need to destress so i finished this

Sakurai Sho hit the jackpot. He had been following Matsumoto Jun and Ninomiya Kazunari around for a while after finding out that they were probably loaded. With Matsumoto being a well-off bonsai connoisseur and Ninomiya being one of the country’s best directors, it wouldn’t take an idiot to guess the amount of riches their household held. Knowing that they probably wouldn’t miss a couple thousand dollars, Sho began to come up with a plot to get into their penthouse apartment and take as much as his hands could carry.

It wasn’t that Sho needed to rob people for a living, he was also living a normal life, he even had a university degree and worked a 9-5 job! He just found the thrill and excitement of burglary much more desirable than the thrill of making a correct calculation and the excitement of figuring out how to use Excel after lying about knowing it on his resume.

It also helped that he’d make a lot more in one night of burglary than he did in two weeks of an office job.

He began to do his research on the couple, learning (disappointingly) that Ninomiya tended to be a homebody; the only time that he would leave the house was to either go to work or be dragged out by Matsumoto. Luckily for Sho, Matsumoto tended to take Ninomiya with him to bonsai auctions, and there was one taking place next weekend. With all this information, Sho began planning one of his biggest heists yet.

The day had come.

Today Sakurai Sho was going to become a rich man.

He’d gone over his plan over a million times in his head, considering everything that could possibly go wrong and planning what to do in those situations.

However, one thing he didn’t account for was to be stuck in the couple’s “sex closet” as they went at it in the bedroom.

It was all going well, he was able to get into their place with little trouble and find everything he was looking for. It wasn’t until he was about to reach for Matsumoto’s coveted jewellery when he heard the front door being unlocked and the familiar voices fluttering in the house.

Shit. They’re back early. Its ok Sakurai, you got this, time to go to Plan A under the ‘If They Come Home Early’ section of the emergency plan, escape through a window.

Looking around the bedroom, Sho tried to locate a big enough window to climb out of.

Ok who the hell doesn’t have any windows in their room? Its ok Sakurai, breathe, time to move to Plan B, hide under the bed.

Glancing towards the bed, he realized it was literally a mattress and a box spring on the floor.

Seriously they’re rich as fuck and can’t afford a bed?! Well, Ninomiya is known for being stingy… Alright calm down Sakurai there’s always Plan C, hide in the closet.

Looking around the room, he saw several closets. Wow, the media wasn’t kidding when they called Matsumoto a fashion enthusiast.

The muffled voices were getting closer, causing Sho to randomly pick a closet and hide in it as fast as he could. Taking a deep breath, he dashed into the closet nearest to the door and tried to calm himself down while the couple was arguing outside of it.

“Come on Jun did you really want to spend over ¥80,000,000 on a stupid tree?”

“Its not a stupid tree Kazunari, its bonsai, and yes I really did, do you ever see me stopping you from buying your games?”

“Jun that’s completely different, none of my games cost the same as a fucking house Jun that’s just ridiculous!”

“It might be ridiculous Kazunari but it doesn’t mean that you have to embarrass me in front of the entire auditorium, they’re never going to invite me back now this is going to ruin my reputation!”

“Who the fuck cares Jun they’re tiny trees, I did you a favour dragging you out of that place –”

Ninomiya was cut off by a loud thud, which Sho assumed was caused Jun.

“Is this what you wanted Kazunari?” whispered Matsumoto hoarsely, “This was all your plan wasn’t it? To embarrass me in front of my colleagues, to make me play with me like this, to rile me up, just so I can punish you for your satisfaction?”

“What if it was?” Ninomiya said sounding smug.

What the fuck is happening.

“Do you remember our safe word?” there was a pause, during which Sho assumed Ninomiya was nodding, “Good, now strip and lie down on the bed.” Jun demanded as he opening the door.


Stuck in the closet, Sho tried not to hyperventilate. I mean, what were you supposed to do when the people you were going to rob from are beginning a fucking BDSM session as you’re stuck in the closet in the room they’re about to do it in holy shit Sakurai how the hell did you get yourself in this mess?!

The bed squeaked, signalling that Ninomiya had stripped and gotten onto it. Oh boy here we go.

“Hands above your head Kazu, we don’t want you moving around during your punishment do we? It wouldn’t be punishment then.”

Well, he does have a point…


“Jun-chan,” Ninomiya purred, “Are you going to get out Whippy-chan from the sex closet?”

Did he just fucking say sex closet?

“It seems you’ve forgotten that I hate it when you speak during your punishments Kazu, I think you really want to be gagged, don’t you?” Jun said after a resounding slap, “You really love Whippy-chan don’t you? Unfortunately for you I’ve decided that the sex closet is too far, so you’re going to have to have my hand instead.”

Wait a second… Sho thought, I’m currently in the closet furthest from the bed, does this mean…

Taking a look around the cramped closet he was in, it began to sink in that Sho was in the aforementioned ‘sex closet’ after he saw the fondly named ‘Whippy-chan’ hanging on a rack with several other painful looking objects that Sho wanted nothing to do with.

“Are you ready for your punishment Kazu?”

From the muffled whimpers Sho heard, he assumed that Ninomiya was indeed ready for his punishment.

“Now let’s see, you interrupted the auction by moaning about being stuck in a room with a bunch of old men, acted like a whiney child when I told you to shut up, spilled wine on the director of the auction and walked off without apologizing, spent every second you weren’t complaining about the ‘fucking old people tree appreciation convention’ playing your little game, and to top it off you thought that I would appreciate you ruining my reputation, thinking that I would thank you for saving me money?”

Ninomiya whined.

“That’s a total of five things you did wrong Kazunari, I think two slaps for each should suffice don’t you?” Matsumoto paused, “I want you to count each one Kazu, otherwise there’s going to be more punishment, and you won’t like this one. Now count.”

A loud smack filled the silence, followed by a muffled ‘one’ coming from Ninomiya, and continued until Ninomiya let out a final sob followed by ‘ten’.

Sho let out a sigh of relief. Thank goodness, they’re finally done. Maybe now after Ninomiya’s been thoroughly punished they’ll want to go out to eat –

“You’ve been such a good boy Kazu-chan, I’m so proud of you, are you ready to be thoroughly fucked for your reward?”

Fuck this burglary shit I’m going back to being a full-time accountant.

Date: 2016-10-18 03:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh my god this is amazing.

Of course Sho would somehow end up robbing a couple that was having sex. X'D
And "Whippy-chan" killed me lol

Thanks for sharing!

Date: 2016-10-18 03:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
im glad you enjoyed it!
sho honestly has the worst luck, who knows how long the man stayed in that closet with whippy-chan&co 😂
thank you for reading! <3

Date: 2016-10-18 08:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Lmao! XD 💛💜

Date: 2016-10-18 11:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks for reading!

Date: 2016-10-18 09:55 am (UTC)
learashi: (Default)
From: [personal profile] learashi
Poor Sho might just be traumatized for life after this.
Thanks for the laughs.

Date: 2016-10-18 11:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I feel like jun is the kind of guy to give his things nicknames since he claims he talks to himself a lot and I guess that came out in whippy-chan😂
Sho doesn't deserve half the stuff he gets put through but it's hilarious to imagine his reaction
Thanks for reading!❤️

Date: 2016-10-18 12:05 pm (UTC)
rollingday_s: (Default)
From: [personal profile] rollingday_s

Omg this is so funny and completely whacky xD Whippy-chan knocked me dead xD

so I'mnot the only one who lied about knowinghow to use excel uh

Date: 2016-10-18 05:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
im glad you enjoyed it! :D whippy-chan is the true star of this fic im seeing ;) LOL

youre not i also have excel on my resume even though i dont know how to use it

Date: 2016-10-18 12:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
OMG this is amazing X"D I just can't stop laughing. I think Sho's reaction is really priceless. He will never gonna be a buglar ever again, I swear XD

As an Accounting student, I feel you, Sho :") It is a boring job muahahaha. I'm joking~~ <3 This is really funny :3 I feel you---sometimes I run away from life and write fanfics hahaha. Thank you for making me laugh today :") I really need it <3 *will give kudos and bookmark on AO3*

Date: 2016-10-18 05:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
its the shock sho needed to go back to living a wholesome life ;P

ahhh im so glad i could make you laugh! i've been having a really crappy few days so you have no idea how much that means to me rn <3 fanfics are really the best way to escape tbh <3

Date: 2016-10-20 04:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Being an accountant again pfft. It is actually antimainstream for an accountant to be a burglar lol.

I feel you, don't worry~ I've been busy with university and I want to end these things. I NEED DECEMBER BREAK ARGH TTwTT I haven't even start my fanfiction too :") Good luck with your school life too TTwTT

Date: 2016-10-20 11:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Sho: the hipster burglar who wanted to live that life of crime and adrenaline 😎 LOL
Good luck with school! If you're ever stressed and consider burglary, just think of what sho had to go through although if it's matsumiya I'd consider it ngl

Date: 2016-10-20 11:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
But he failed >:)

SAME HERE OMG 😥😥😥 I want to end this very quicklyyyyy. But sometimes your holiday just goes really fast.

I won't steal anyone's money xD I'm a future accountant too lol~

I'm not a fan of Matsumiya (I considered this as my first matsumiya fanfic lol) but hey why not? I'm a fan of Sakumiya and Sakumoto lol. But I like the DoS trios: Sho, Jun and Neens.

Date: 2016-10-18 05:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
DAMN. SHO WHAT HAVE YOU GOTTEN YOURSELF INTO?! It was a fun read, light and humurous. :3
Sho was totally relatable tho. XD

Thanks for sharing.

Date: 2016-10-18 06:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
tbh id have shos exact reaction LOL what a situation to be in ;P

thank you for reading!

Date: 2016-10-19 06:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Probably the best thing I've read in a whole month. Well done. :'D

I loooove your witty writing, and +1 for accurate BDSM. I'm not much for the ship but your writing is crisp and fresh as a newly bought lettuce. I love it. :D

Date: 2016-10-20 11:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm so glad you enjoyed it, even if it's not your favourite pairing! 😍❤️
Thank you so much, you have no idea how much that means to me ❤️❤️❤️


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